Saturday, November 30, 2019

The Socially Awkward Excuse

A topic that came up elsewhere as we were discussing grooming behaviors in certain sorts of predators or domestic violence situations... the "Socially Awkward" excuse for creepy or predatory behavior. Some predators out there will certainly use the "it was just a misunderstanding" line to minimize and excuse there behavior.
I think a key distinguishing line between real awkwardness and boundary shifting/grooming is how the person reacts to confrontation. A really socially awkward person is going to be embarassed, equally uncomfortable as their unintended victim, and make a genuine attempt to adjust their behavior -- or there's going to be a real persistent pattern that supports that they just don't grok normal behavior. Think about someone on the autism spectrum who just can't figure out what's going on; their off-notes are in multiple areas, not just inappropriate touches, for example. Or if there's a cultural issue, it's again going to be persistent across different areas -- not just creepy eye contact or "compliments."
The creep? They'll be aggressively defensive as they fall back on the social awkward excuse -- and blame their victim for not understanding. And the behaviors are all going to be in things like inappropriate touches, "compliments" that aren't, etc. All in that ONE particular area -- sex.
Here's a good article on it...

https://www.doctornerdlove.com/socially-awkward-isnt-an-excuse/

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